I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
