Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
