As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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