Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
