I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
