Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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