Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
