youre lurking in front of me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
