and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Two words: nipple clamps
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