i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Four minutes until I can fart!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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