I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
