You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am midnight drunk by noon
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
