Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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