you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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