yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
soo... how was my night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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