I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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