Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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