I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
