great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
