you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
