You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
