Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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