Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
