When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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