At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
