Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
