Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
