We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
