honey bunches of taint.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
