Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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