I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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