THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
