this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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