I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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