My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
