So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
