peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
