My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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