It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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