i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
