i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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