Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
