he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
