I can text with my tongue
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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