Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
