Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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