You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish you could order shots online.
should my penis look like a turkey
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
