Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
