I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
