i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
