Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
