just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
